


Tourists in Cardiff

by shayasar



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 12:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayasar/pseuds/shayasar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Slow day at the Hub so Ianto suggest that the team take the day off. Do you think that they are going to be allowed to enjoy the day? And what's up with Owen and Tosh?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tourists in Cardiff

**Author's Note:**

> Co-Author GingerLR (over at LJ) and I did it again. She send me a well researched paragraph to start with and from that point on words flew around, formed sentences and somehow made sense - well maybe. The email server ran hot and here we are with yet another ramble. Hope you enjoy!

"Did you know that if you type in the words 'games' in your internet search program, you will get over 1,120,000,000 hits. If you add the word 'sex' in your search, you narrow the search down to 38,200,000. If you search on 'gay sex games', you get 9,700,000 hits. The most interesting part is the search for 'heterosexual sex games' brought up only 624,000 hits. Tosh compiled the figures for us this morning." 

Ianto placed a fresh cup of coffee down in front of Jack. Jack looked up at his young lover with a raised eyebrow and a smirk playing around his lips. "And Tosh looked this up why?"

"Purely scientific interest I would presume." Sipping on his own coffee, Ianto perched on Jack's desk, a similar smirk on his face.

"So, it's not connected to a case then?" Jack picked his mug up, while his other hand found its way to Ianto's thigh, slowly sliding its way up. "You know, I'm probably responsible for the difference in the numbers of gay and heterosexual sex games."

Ianto snorted. "Only you would say that."

"Are you saying I'm lying?" Jack's hand had finally reached its target and he brushed his fingers over the bulge in Ianto's groin.

"Ah, Jack. Not during the workday. I'm not having a repeat of what happened last time. Owen is still trying to recover from that. I'm not saying you're lying but maybe just stretching the truth a bit. We could do a search on your name and see what comes up." Ianto pushed Jack's hand off his lap and put it back on the table.

"Sounds like fun. Not as fun as trying out some of those games, but fun." Jack leaned back and took a sip of fresh coffee.

"Later. I'll even promise to try out a new game with you, but Tosh's search was done out of boredom. The Rift is not active. All the work is caught up on and it's sunny outside. What do you say about leaving work early and going outside to play?"

"Ah, Mr. Jones, what are you proposing we do outside? Find ourselves a nice little beach and have some fun in the sun?" Placing his mug back on the table, Jack now used both of his hands to run them over Ianto's thighs, over his hips down to the well-formed Welsh ass, and pulled the attached man closer.

"Something like that, but with the whole team." Straightening up, Ianto took Jack's hands from his ass and stepped out of reach, smiling at the dumbfounded look he received from his partner. "Come on Jack, we can just do something normal, go for a drink, and visit the castle. Have you ever been to the castle? It's beautiful this time of the year. Think recreational and team bonding. And if you're good we can play when the others are gone."

"I could send them home now..."

"Jack!"

"Yeah, yeah alright." Resigned, Jack stood up from his chair and headed for the main area. "Okay kids, grab your packed lunches and Wellingtons; Auntie Ianto wants us to have a field trip."

"Auntie Ianto? Hmm, I guess the only game Uncle Jack is playing tonight is sleeping on the couch alone." Ianto muttered to himself, picked up the half-finished coffee, and followed Jack out of his office.

~~~

"Auntie Ianto! This was a great idea. It's a shame that you dropped our lunches in the bay." Tosh munched on her chips and watched as a tour group nearby took pictures of the surrounding area. She briefly wondered if Gwen would be able to keep her mouth shut about their clothing and fashion sense. Even Owen was snickering about some of their outfits.

"Yea, sorry about that. Good thing Jack had his wallet with him, since mine must be in my other jacket. Thanks for buying lunch, Jack." Ianto smiled at Jack.

"So what's next? Castle or ice cream? I vote for the ice cream. Ianto's right in that we don't see the sun enough and we spend enough time in old buildings." Gwen brushed her hands off on her napkin and pointed out one of the members of the tour group to Tosh. The outfit they were wearing were interesting to say the least.

“I can’t believe that there are actually people walking around like that. I mean look at them, the guys look as if they’ve just jumped out of a cheesy comedy with their Hawaiian shirts and Bermudas.” Gwen snickered while the others followed her gaze. “They even have their tennis socks pulled up to their necks and wear Birkenstocks!”

“Leave the tourists alone, Gwen. They’re partially paying for the lunch you just ate.” Ianto wiped his fingers clean on a serviette before collecting everyone’s rubbish to throw it all in the bin. Old habits never died. “Now, what about…”

“Let’s go for a ride on the carrousel! I haven’t done that for ages,” Jack exclaimed and looked somewhat miffed when he only received moaned negative replies. “You said, we should go out and play. I want to go for a ride on the carrousel and you’re coming with me!” Jack stepped in front of Ianto and crossed his arms in a very petulant childlike way.

Ianto looked at his lover and just waited for him to push out his lower lip into a full blown out pout. “You’re really going to treat this like a field trip for fifth graders, aren’t you?” But despite himself, Ianto couldn’t suppress the smile that spread over his face. It was rare to see Jack this playful outside of their bedroom. 

"The only way that you are going to get me on the carrousel is if you promise not to make any suggestive remarks to Ianto for the rest of the day. I’m already in danger of losing my lunch with that face that Jack is making." Owen debated about tossing the remains of his chips on the ground, just to piss off Ianto but decided against it. It was turning out to be a nice outing and Owen was enjoying himself. Besides, if they did go for a ride on the carrousel, Tosh would be in the same seat with Owen, pressing herself close to him. 

"Deal! We are riding the carrousel, and then eating ice cream." Jack bounced a little. He hadn’t felt this good in ages, outside of the bedroom that is. 

"Ok, Big Boy, let’s go for a ride together. Maybe if you’re lucky, we’ll manage to grab one of the wagons instead of the horses, so we can grope each other. And Owen, you never said that I couldn’t make suggestive remarks to Jack." Ianto winked at Jack who managed to smile even more while Owen complained about over-sexed co-workers. 

"I want to ride with Owen and Tosh. I can be in the middle!" Gwen tossed her lunch bag in the rubbish bin and headed off towards the carrousel.

"And they complain about us making suggestive remarks." Jack’s laughter filled the surrounding area and he grabbed Ianto’s hand, following the rest of his team. None of them noticed the group of tourists snapping quick pictures of the team, following close on their heels. 

Letting himself be pulled over the Plas, Ianto hadn’t missed the disappointed looks on Owen’s and Tosh’s faces. He had realized a little sparkle between them for some time now and maybe this was the perfect opportunity to offer a helping hand.

When they reached the carrousel, Gwen was clapping her hands, almost bouncing up and down. Ianto revised his earlier observation; Gwen was even more like a fifth grader than Jack was. He dragged Jack along to the ticket box and watched as Jack purchased five chips before leaning in closer to have a little chat with the old man selling the rides.

After a bit of pointing and explaining, the old man, who was also the owner of the carrousel, smiled and stepped out of his box, while Ianto pulled Jack back to the others, a secret smile playing over his lips.

“What did you two plot on about?” Jack whispered curiously and wrapped his arms around Ianto’s waist.

“You’ll see.”

“Always the secretive one.”

“Only if it’s necessary.”

They watched as the carrousel slowed down and the handful of kids left their seats on wooden horses and colourful painted wagons. Waiting until the owner motioned for them to take their seats, they clambered onto the round platform, Jack already pulling Ianto to one of the wagons while Owen and Tosh headed for the other, Gwen closely on their heels. 

“Hello young lady,” the old man bowed before Gwen, making her blush. “I believe there is a special ride only for you on this carrousel. If you would like to follow me?” Holding his hand out, he waited for her to follow his lead.

Gwen looked unsure at her colleagues but Jack smiled a winning smile and encouraged her with a nod. So she let herself being ushered to the other side of the carrousel to a big white wooden unicorn.

"Oh how pretty! I've forgotten how wonderful these creatures are. Jack, our boss, the one that paid for the tickets, suggested that we come over here. It's a team outing." Gwen climbed on the unicorn with the help of the owner. He smiled and turned to help the next person on their horse. 

"Thank us, kind gentlesir. Your creatures here are most delightful." A member of the tour group that was at the Bay settled himself into the seat of his unicorn. His camera and bags were catching on the saddle horn and Gwen revised her earlier opinion of the tour group. He looked so helpless that she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Do you need help there? It's tricky sometimes." Gwen leaned over to untangle one bag. It was going to cause problems for him.

"Oh my. Thank us. It is honour to have you help Ian with bag. I do not expect generous offer." Ian smiled at Gwen and turned a pale pink. He was blushing and stammering his words out. 

"I see that you are with that group over there and you're visiting Cardiff?" Gwen managed the one bag and was now working with the camera bag. 

"Positive. Visiting Cardiff, beautiful city. Amazing sites. Come from long way to see." Ian smiled again at Gwen and it was then she noticed that something wasn't quite right with Ian. Or to be more accurate, something wasn't quite human with Ian. 

Glancing at the man next to her, she pulled roughly on the string that had wrapped itself around the saddle horn and succeeded in getting it free, almost falling from her unicorn when the momentum threatened to carry her over.

“Oh be careful, lovely ladywoman!” Ian looked quite shocked at Gwen’s acrobatics. “Thank us again for generous help. It is great honour.” He smiled at her, revealing almost more teeth than Jack with his biggest grin.

Gwen forced a smile and stared now openly at Ian. Something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. When she turned around to call for Jack, she almost fell from her unicorn a second time, as the carrousel started moving. Only Ian’s hand saved her from a rather embarrassing moment.

“Thank you.” This time her smile was genuine, maybe she was just imagining things. Ian seemed really nice, didn’t exactly look like a threat in his bright yellow and red flowered shirt, and was that a straw hat? However, she would talk to Jack when they were back on solid ground. For some reason the ride made her stomach flip and it felt much faster as it should be. A lot faster.

~~~

“Jack, could you at least wait until the carrousel starts moving before you shove your hand down my trousers?” Ianto shuffled a bit on his seat to find a comfortable position when Jack slid his arms around him and pulled him closer, one hand already going south.

"Why? What’s the fun in that? Now, admit it, this is nice. Sunny day, no running after aliens, and no worries. I got my gorgeous partner sitting next to me with hopefully the promise of hot sex later on. What do you think about skipping the ice cream and sending everybody on their way after this?" Jack’s hand curled around the inside of Ianto’s thigh and squeezed.

"Hmm, sounds like a good idea except I want ice cream. A really *big* scoop on top of a cone, one that I can lick and enjoy. Lick and nibble on, catching all the little drips as it melts. Then when I get down to the base of the cone, I can suck on it hard and get all the last drops. What you do think, Jack? Does that sound like a good idea?" Ianto pressed himself even closer to Jack, teasing him with the thought of eating ice cream. 

"Uh, yeah. Sounds good. Sounds like a wonderful idea. Um, there’s that tourist group again. Do they look familiar to you?" Jack sat up straighter and removed his hand from Ianto. There was something in the back of his mind telling Jack that this was no normal tourist group and something very wrong was going to spoil their day.

~~

Owen snuggled in closer to Tosh. He pondered about giving the guy who dragged Gwen off to one of those silly horses an extra fifty quid, but dismissed the thought when he saw Ianto nodding at him with a smile. The bloody Teaboy had arranged this. Now wondering if he should be angry or just thankful, Owen was startled out of his thoughts, when the small body next to him moved.

“Owen, you’re crushing me.” Tosh wriggled a bit to be able to breathe again, but smiled at the sheepish look Owen gave her.

“Oh, sorry!” Skidding over a bit, he looked startled when Tosh put her hand on his thigh.

“No need to be sorry. It’s nice; I just need an inch to breathe.” She giggled when Owen made a face, but snuggled up to him, pulling his arm around her. “This is really nice. I think Ianto’s idea for spending the day outside was wonderful.”

“Yeah, I have to admit, it’s not bad. I…” Stopping in mid-sentence, Owen blinked as the flash of a camera blinded him. “What the fuck?” When he could see again, he found himself looking at a madly grinning guy in incredibly bright coloured clothing who had still his camera pointed at them. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Get lost!”

“Thank us! Great honour! Have good time!” The man was still grinning from ear to ear, nodding his head now with each of his words before scuttling over to a horse and clumsily climbing on to it.

"Owen. That was a little rude of you but thank you. It was bit of a surprise. I wonder why he wanted to take a picture of us. It seemed strange. And his speech. Thank us? What does that mean?" Tosh frowned a little and looked over at the group of tourists. "Owen, do something for me and wave at that group of tourists. Smile even."

Owen laughed and started waving at the group. Tosh was waving also. The response was unusual. Instead of waving back, the tour group looked surprised and in awe. Not a single one was waving back. 

"Odd. Tosh, do you suppose that they are alien tourists? As if from the Planet of the Horribly Dressed aliens or are they Yanks, like Jack. Only with a more up-to-date fashion sense." Owen turned back towards Tosh, dropping his waving hand back onto her lap. 

"If I could get closer to them, I could do a scan. Find out if they are human or alien. And if you buy me dinner later on tonight, I'll forget to tell Jack that comment about his taste in clothing." 

"Deal. Got your scanner ready?" Tosh nodded her head once and shouted as Owen grabbed her bag and jumped off the carrousel. He jogged over by the tour group, waving her bag as if teasing her to come and get it. Brilliant idea, she muttered to herself. Turning her scanner on, she jumped off also and ran towards Owen, scanning the group as Owen twirled her around.

~~~

Ianto spared the tourist only half a glance before he pulled Jack’s hand back on his thigh. “It’s just a group of tourists, Jack. There are hundreds of them running around Cardiff this time of the year. Now about later today…” Snaking one arm around Jack’s neck, Ianto pulled his lover in for a kiss, smiling inwardly when Jack finally relaxed and melted into the kiss. To Ianto’s chagrin, it didn’t last for long. Both got distracted when they heard Owen’s teasing voice and saw him waving Tosh’s bag around.

“Stupid twat!” Ianto muttered. “Here I am, giving him the chance to get closer to Tosh and he steals her bag and acts like a prat.”

“I don’t think so,” Jack replied with a frown. “Look, Tosh doesn’t look angry and I think she’s using her scanner on the tourists.”

“Why would she do that?” Now slightly irritated, Ianto watched Owen twirl Tosh around while the tourists were closing in on them. “What’s going on here?”

“We’d better find out!” Jack was in the process of climbing out of their wagon when the carrousel started moving. The sudden jolt of the machine caught him off balance and threw him back into the seat. “Damn!” Any attempt of getting out of the seat was futile as the carrousel sped up with each rotation and the two men were pressed into their seats.

“Okay, this is unusual. It’s not supposed to go that fast.” Ianto stated dryly and grabbed for something to hold on to while the centrifugal force pressed him tightly against Jack.

~~~

Gwen grabbed onto her unicorn tighter as the carrousel sped up. She didn't remember it going ever this fast. When she heard the frighten cries of the kids on the carrousel and their parents, she realized that it was not supposed to be this way. She turned to look at Ian, who was still smiling at her and she knew. 

"You need to stop this now! The children will get hurt." She hissed at Ian.

"Thank us for making go faster. More exciting. Torchwood like?" 

"No! Torchwood not like. Stop now or Torchwood will hunt you down and hurt you. I will hunt you down and hurt you if any children are hurt. Now stop this." Gwen tried to move from her unicorn but was unable.

~~~

Tosh finished her scan but she didn't need to read the results to know that this was no ordinary tourist group. They were aliens from an undetermined planet. 

"Who are you? What do you want? Why are you following us?" Tosh turned towards the alien that looked like their leader. Cliché quotes about take me to your leader floated through her head but she ignored it. From the commotions and screams that came from behind her, Tosh needed to deal with this group quickly. 

"Torchwood Cardiff famous. Torchwood Cardiff important. Torchwood Cardiff pretty." The tour guide spoke, halting as if unfamiliar with the English language. "We watch Torchwood Cardiff."

“What do you mean, you watch us?” Owen hissed and stepped forward, his hand already going to his weapon before he remembered they left all weapons at the Hub. “Who are you?”

“We friends. We having fun, yes? Gordon so honoured to speak to Torchwood Cardiff.” 

“Listen mate, we are not friends and if you’re not stopping what you’re doing with that damn carrousel right now, I’ll shove the honour right up your alien ass!”

Gordon looked kind of peeved and took a step backwards. “But we only having fun. Fast is good. Torchwood not like?”

Tosh could see that Owen was close to strangling the alien, so she stepped up again. “A carrousel is not supposed to go that fast. The children are frightened and it’s very dangerous. Please slow it down and make it stop.” Speaking slowly and in a friendly voice seemed to do the trick as Gordon lifted his umbrella and pointed it at the carrousel.

After a few moments, the screaming stopped and was replaced by children bawling their eyes out. Tosh didn’t turn around to check for Jack and the rest, for some reason she knew that if she averted her eyes from Gordon, he would disappear into thin air. But she didn’t have to wait for long until she heard Jack’s loud voice and felt him brushing past her.

“So would someone be so kind and explain to me, what the hell is going on here?” Sweeping his gaze over the group in front of him, Jack’s angry looks made a few of the aliens step back and gulp nervously. Jack finally settled his eyes on the one who called himself Gordon. “So?”

“I’m sorry. This was not our intention.” A loud voice came from the back of the group. “Excuse me, Wilbur, if I could? Thank you.” A man was making his way to the front, this one at least not clad in silly clothes. “I apologize for my friends.” Finally stepping in front of Jack, he presented him with a big smile.

“Is it just me, or does that guy look exactly like Brendan Fraser?” Ianto stated matter-of-factly while the rest of his team, including Jack, was just staring open-mouthed.

"The hot one in the Mummy movies? That Brendan Fraser? Ianto, remind me to get you an outfit like that. You'd look hot." Jack turned towards Ianto, winked, and then faced the alien in front of him. "Start explaining now. Make it simple and make it fast." 

"The history of our culture acknowledges the great evil and the great good of Earth's Torchwood. We study your history and learn from it to help our own growth. Speaking more of this would endanger timelines or what we refer to as that wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey factor. We had intended only to observe a day of play, not to interfere. The offenders will be harshly dealt with." The Brendan-look-a-like smiled a goofy smile that melted Jack's knees a little. 

"You interfered and endangered the innocent of this planet. As leader of Torchwood Cardiff, I demand that the proper measures are taken immediately or I shall make a notation in the timelines that state the Tourities were impolite and bad-mannered guests." Jack remembered this species. He dealt with them before and understood that calling them impolite and bad mannered was almost like a declaration of war among their kind. 

"How dare you. Impolite! We have used your language. We have taken care to follow the protocol. We read the rules." The Brendan-alien's facial features flared a little and he stepped closer to Jack. 

"You read them wrong. You were impolite. Torchwood Cardiff demands it." Jack moved in closer and tried to smile. These aliens, friendly or not, ruined his day with Ianto and he was mad. 

"Excuse me, Sir but maybe this was just a misunderstanding and we can resolve this over tea. I believe we are causing a scene and I'm sure that our guests here don't want that to happen." Ianto had finished reading the quick report on the aliens that Tosh managed to bring up on her PDA. Manners were the utmost importance and offering tea to another was the highest compliment one could give. 

The Brendan-alien and Jack were almost touching noses now, glaring somewhat cross-eyed at each other. 

Suddenly Jack blinked a few times and turned his head to look at Ianto. “I’m showing off again, huh?”

Ianto only raised one eyebrow and waited for Jack to make the next move. He was somewhat relieved when Jack stepped back and grinned broadly, slamming his hand down on the aliens shoulder.

“You have to understand that we’re a bit careful with guests from outer space around here as it’s the 21st century and Earth hasn’t seen a lot of you folks yet. And the aliens the people of Earth actually have met are filed away as hallucinations or drunken stupor.” Jack turned around to Ianto, his hand still on Brendan-alien's shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “Ianto, why don’t you show our guests the way to the Hub and set them up with a nice cup of tea? Owen and I will check up on the kids and see to it that nobody got hurt.”

Ianto bowed his head a bit and made an inviting gesture, smiling at the leader, who would win every look-a-like contest. Hell he even looked more like Brendan Fraser than the man himself. Still shaking his head in disbelief Ianto was relieved when the leader shot one last glare at Jack but finally nodded in agreement.

“Very well.”

“Wonderful.” Jack rubbed his hands together, glancing at Ianto and turning around when the young man gave him an almost imperceptible nod. They were all clear on dealing with these aliens with the utmost care. They had seen too much to believe that this would end peaceful, but one could still hope. “I might even throw in some ice cream. Tosh, Gwen, help Ianto with our guests, will you?” Grabbing Owen’s arm, he pulled the muttering doctor with him, leaving the aliens in Ianto’s capable hands for now.

When the Tourities started moving Gwen brought up the rear, watching that every member of the strange alien group was following Ianto. She gave an annoyed sigh when Ian stepped up to her.

“Me sorry. My fault that Torchwood angry, just wanted more fun.”

“Yeah well, the next time you want to have fun, you shouldn’t put innocent people in danger. This could have ended very badly.”

“Me will be punished. Not following rules bad.”

“Yes, not to follow the rules is very bad.” Gwen looked at Ian. The man, or alien, or whatever was obviously very sorry for his doings. He just trotted along, his head hanging down, his camera bopping up and down against his stomach. “What will be your punishment?”

"Very bad punishment. We broke rules so tour books be taken. Tour books very important. Contain wisdom and dreams." Ian sighed and looked at the parents still comforting crying children. "It is deserved punishment."

Gwen stared at Ian. She couldn't believe that any item this world tossed in their trash was considered treasures in their society. Briefly, she wondered what the group would think of their simple Tourist office in front of the Hub. "Maybe Torchwood can put in a good word for you and explain that it was a simple mistake. The Captain can be quite charming on occasion."

"Gwen too good to Ian."

~~~

Tosh grinned at the alien called Wilbur. He was holding on to another alien's hand that name currently escaped Tosh. Both were staring at Owen and her.

"Excuse me, Wilbur. Your name is Wilbur, right? I apologize but I don't remember your friend's name." Tosh turned her attention towards them.

"Oh my. I called Del. For pretty Welsh." Del blushed as being embarrassed for being singled out by one of the famous Torchwood members.

"Del. It fits perfectly. Is this your first time to our planet?" Tosh heard Owen snort besides her and she slapped him quickly. "Be nice, Owen. I'd like to see you not mess up on a different planet. In fact, it would be nice to see you not mess up on this planet." 

"Tosh, love. I would never mess up on a different planet. Jack would kill me." Owen was finally starting to relax about the day. When Jack first announced the outing, he was against it but being able to spend the day with Tosh in the safety zone of a team outing was coming close to his idea of heaven. He wasn't sure when his feelings toward Tosh turned from being friends to wanting more but today solidified those feelings.

"Yes. First time. Treat for our bonding. We come here to see famous love. To celebrate ours." Del blushed and moved closer to Wilbur.

"Oh, congratulations! How wonderful. Owen isn't that the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard? Well, I'm sure that the Captain and your tour guide can work something out so that nothing will ruin your honeymoon. And that's so sweet that Jack and Ianto's love will be remembered." Tosh sighed and was more determined now to make sure that nothing ruined today. Today's outing and her time with Owen was going to be treasured and she wanted nothing to ruin her memory. 

"Not their love but love of Tosh and…" Del started to speak but suddenly clasped her hands over her mouth. "Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey factor. Must not mention." 

Tosh stared at her with wide eyes, but she had no chance to ask more questions, because Ianto had just opened the door to the tourist office and the first aliens who had filed in were now screaming in delight.

The Brendan-alien who was the first to step over the threshold was now furiously shaking Ianto’s hand and thanking him again and again, leaving the young man completely confused and wondering what was going on now. But when he saw the aliens practically throw themselves at all the brochures and maps of Cardiff and the surrounding areas, he started to get a grasp of how these aliens were ticking.

“I believe tea can wait then. Have a good look around. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go in the back to get more brochures. I’m sure I have a few issues of the special “Christmas in Cardiff” flyer from last year somewhere stored there as well.” Ianto was slightly taken aback when he saw tears pooling in the Brendan-aliens eyes. “Are you alright? And what is your name by the way?”

“I’m fine, it’s just… The special “Christmas in Cardiff” flyer? Are you really willing to give us some of those precious rarities? Oh, and my name is Brendan.”

Just in time catching himself from rolling his eyes at the name, Ianto remembered to be friendly with these aliens. After all, they wanted to get this over with peacefully. “I’ll be delighted to give you all the flyers I have left and I’ll be looking for the exclusive brochure of Cardiff Castle for just after the renovations had finished.” Excusing himself again, he pulled his hand from Brendan’s death grip and made his way to the almost quiet of the room behind the curtain. As he looked back once more before disappearing behind the curtain, he saw big tears rolling down Brendan’s face. These were definitely the weirdest aliens they’ve encountered yet.

The rest of the team stood outside of their entrance, safely out of the way of the ecstatic Tourities. Jack was laughing and shaking his head, whispering in his comm to Ianto.

Gwen walked over to Jack and pointed to the office. "Does he need help in there?" 

"Ianto? Gwen wants to know if you need help. Make sure that there are no fist fights over the last brochure of Walking Tours of the Cardiff Gardens." Jack smiled as he heard Ianto's reply and shook his head at Gwen. "He believes that he has everything under control. He's asking if we should start booking official tours with them so we know when they are showing up and he can stock the office."

"I think that's a wonderful idea. The team could make an appearance. Take a walk to get ice cream or some silly thing. We don't need to interact with them but let them see us." 

"Brilliant. Tosh! Owen! Any thoughts! Guys!" Jack hollered towards the two and turned when he got no response. 

"Um, Jack. We can ask them later." Gwen giggled and covered her mouth with her hands. Tosh was wrapped in Owen's arms and it looked like neither one of them was coming up for air in the near future. 

"I think you're right Gwen. In fact, once they are capable of speech, I'll give them the rest of day off. They deserve a chance. Ianto? Start booking the tours. Use your best judgment on the time frame. Great idea." Jack wrapped one of his arms around Gwen and pulled her close. Both started laughing when they heard a loud cheer coming from inside the Tourist Office.

"If I can have everybody's attention, please! I just received word from the Captain to start a new tour, specially designed for your planet only. No one else will be allowed to take advantage of this tour. Brendan, if I could see you at the counter, we can start making plans for your first official Torchwood Tour." Ianto covered his ears when the loud cheering started. He saw more tears coming from some of the aliens that he didn't know the names of but he was sure that he was going to be introduced to every one of them. Ianto wondered if he had a fancy looking login book hidden somewhere, where they could sign their names and make comments. 

It took Ianto another good half hour to flesh out the details of the tours with Brendan and most importantly set rules for them. Something like today couldn’t ever happen again and luckily Brendan agreed to that instantly.

“I will have the responsible parties of this tour punished, don’t worry.” Brendan looked determined and put his name in alien letters under the contract.

“Yeah, about that.” Jack suddenly appeared next to Ianto at the counter, one arm coming around the young man’s waist in a possessive gesture. “Gwen told me the punishment is to take all their brochures and flyers away. I think it’s a bit harsh as they weren’t really aware of the rules.” Jack smiled broadly at Brendan and felt Ianto’s curious gaze on him. 

“But you demanded that measures should be taken…”

“Take it as a sign of good will to continue a peaceful relationship between our two species. After all, no one had been hurt.”

“Thank you for your graciousness. I will make it clear to my people that this will be the one and only time that there won’t be any repercussions for faulty behaviour.”

“I’ll hold you to that, cause next time, I won’t be that forgiving anymore.”

“There won’t be any trouble from now on. Mr. Jones and I have worked out a fair contract that even includes watching the famous team Torchwood going on about their daily work. This is more as we could even ask for. There won’t be any interfering from my tour groups and they will be gifted with brochures and maps and even special flyers.” Brendan was practically beaming in joy. “I don’t know how to thank you!”

“You should thank Mr. Jones. He was the one suggestion this cooperation. Maybe he even can give your group a guided tour through the city and the castle… uuufff.” Jack’s cheerily spoken words ended in a huff when Ianto punched him not so secretly in the ribs.

“That is very nice of you, but I’m afraid I have to decline. You know that wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. That contract of ours is already dangerously balancing on the edge. Any more contact between our people could have a disastrous effect on the time space continuum,” Brendan said apologetically.

“Well then, no guided tours. Although I would have loved to see Ianto wearing a classic tour guide outfit… uuuufff. Ow!” Jack looked indignantly at his lover, but found Ianto sweetly smiling at Brendan. The indignant expression quickly changed to a surprised one paired with a strangled gasp as Ianto’s hand, perfectly hidden by the counter, grabbed his cock and squeezed it.

“I’m happy to supply you with all the brochures we have. I could even order maps and other information material from all over the UK, probably from all over the world, if you like?” Still smiling sweetly at Brendan, Ianto squeezed Jack’s cock again, revelling in the only half swallowed groan. Giving these aliens brochures and a regular visiting schedule was one thing, but to be offered by Jack as a tour guide was another.

"Mr. Jones, you do us great honour. In exchange, we will spread word of your kindness. Captain, I will suggest to the Travel Agency that if there comes a time that we can assist Torchwood in any manner, we will do. Our soldiers are trained to be very obnoxious Tourists. We have been able to stop many battles happening, simply by annoyance. Now, we must return to our tour ship. We have overspent our time here." 

Jack and Ianto waved at the group of Tourities leaving the Tourist office, loaded down with brochures and maps. Jack's waves were a little shaky since Ianto's free hand was currently massaging his cock. As the door finally shut on the last alien, Jack stopped waving and turned towards Ianto.

"Tease. You tease! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't bend you over this desk right now and take you. Hard." Jack grabbed Ianto around his waist and pulled him close.

"Because this desk is now a shrine of wealth to the Tourites. Because Gwen, Tosh and Owen are right outside. Because what I have in mind needs you stretched out on your bed, naked," Ianto growled at Jack and slipped his hand inside of Jack's trousers.

"Oh fuck. Yeah. Naked. Bed." Jack hit the button on his comm. "Gwen! Long day. Go home to Rhys. Owen! Take Tosh home." 

Gwen quickly replied with a quick thanks and bye to Jack but Owen and Tosh remained silent. "Owen! Tosh! Answer."

Ianto removed his hand from Jack's trousers and pushed his way to the front door. Opening it, he noticed the reason why Owen and Tosh were not answering. They were still wrapped up in each other's arms, ignoring the rest of the world. Straightening his tie, Ianto walked over to the couple and tapped Owen on the shoulder. He got a snarl from Owen and a blush from Tosh.

"Sorry to interrupt but Jack gave everybody the rest of the day off. So go home. Bye. Come back tomorrow." Ianto waved bye to them, went back inside the office, and locked the door.

"Ok Jack. Now I believe I was talking about you being naked and on your bed. So why are you still in this office with your clothes on?"

FIN**


End file.
